25

On the phone with Allison who is in the process of crossing the US-Canadian border. She is on foot and in line when her phone suddenly disconnects. I wait and she calls me back, it takes a few minutes. She says she didn't realize it had happened and had continued talking though I wasn't there. I tell her I understand because sometimes I'm so quiet. My mind flashes with so many incidents in which my being too quiet had a negative impact. She starts talking again and doesn't stop even though I purposefully stop talking to see if she'd notice. She gets to the border and tells me I have to hold on while she passes through a metal detector, she says I love you and puts the phone in one of those trays. A few seconds later she picks it up and she's in Canada, she tells me she's cold, which is something she always says.

24

katy and I are working the door at some party. three guys come through to leave. there's one skinny guy who doesn't have a shirt on and hits on katy. I say something like, "Hey, you're barking up the wrong tree, pal" and try to get this group to move along. The guy continues to talk shit as they walk down this long hall way exit and then Katy decides to follow them. I'm like What? Then the party organizers show up, a well dressed man and woman, just as Katy walks out the door and want to know where she is. I tell them to wait, that I'll go get her and I follow this string that leads outside and find her next door with that skeezy guy. They are making out and I try not to be seen. I head back inside but turn around one more time and I think that they see me so I start running back to my post. I tell our bosses that she is on her way back. I'm kind of heartbroken about it and when Katy comes back I ask her why she would go for a guy like that instead of me. The party people tell me I need to lighten up, that either of us could go home with anyone from the party that we wanted to, and that we should go pick someone out.

Inside the party there are lots of tables and chairs and it looks like I'm inside an airport. Lots of people to choose from. There's a buffet line. I chat up two girls and get some food and have a seat next to some old man. My uncle Donald finds me and sits across from me and makes fun of the old man. The guy gets mad, and my uncle says something like , "I'm sorry, I thought you just looked like some person," and the guy says, "I am a person," and my uncle says, "No, but like.... a really simple person."

Then I'm walking down the street with a new girl, someone I don't know. There are homeless people all along the street. She always stops to give every person money or jewelry or anything else that she has. I think about how I could also help these people but I don't want it to seem like I'm just trying to impress her. We arrive at this set of three benches that each has a person sleeping on one. The first one is a woman who is overly appreciative. The next one is a legless doctor, an old chinese man who still wears his scrubs, and the girl gives him a gold necklace that she wears. The next man tells us more about the old doctor and explains that he really needs more than anyone else and that he's also blind. I feel very moved by this to give the man whatever I can. I dig in my pocket for all my change and give everything but the pennies (and one quarter that I save for a vending machine) and then also a fat wad of cash. I feel like its not enough.

Later I'm with my nephew Conor watching him swallow pills.

Why I Love the Dream

First of all, he's an album artist at a time, and in a genre, where albums are rarely meant to be listened to as one cohesive statement. His songs are presented in suites, one song leads to another which leads to another and the last song might reference the first song and its all very well thought out and expertly executed. And each song on its own is full of so many concepts and ideas to begin with. I want to say that the Dream doesn't make R&B, but R&P, rhythm and prog.



His music captures so many different elements of the sounds of our time. Obvious Prince/Michael Jackson/R. Kelly influenced songs (the overlord triumvirate of modern R&B) via Timbaland production techniques with a little H-town screw and lots of A-town hollers thrown in for good measure. And at first when I heard "My Love" ft Mariah Carey, it bothered me that it sounded more like a Mariah Carey song than a Dream song. But when listening to the album, and its like there's a Mariah Carey song chunked in the middle of it, it works so well. It's so brilliant. Because it only adds to the sense of transcendence and timelessness that The Dream creates with the rest of his music.



He uses repetition and melody in a way that makes me think there's a mathematical formula to his music or that he cracked some kind of secret code. His songs aren't challenging but they're stimulating. I don't listen to a dream song passively, my brain follows along actively picking apart the different pieces. It is smart music for the ordinary person.

23

At hospital. I'm walking around and I can feel people looking at me. I don't know where I'm supposed to be or what I should be doing but I don't really care. My senses feel heightened. A very pretty lady doctor smiles at me. No words are spoken but this makes me aware that I have a head injury. My head is wrapped in bandages and when I touch the back of it I can feel warm blood. I sort of start to panic but that doctor is still there and she makes me feel safe. In an exam room I am asked why I am bleeding. There is no reason. I suck a red lollipop and think about the blood and I laugh.

22

at a department store with David and there's a pushy salesman who has these pants for him that he had special ordered forever ago. He doesn't want them anymore. They are red and so are the pants that david is already wearing. So I say, Hey, I've always wanted a pair of these, I'll take them. And the salesman goes away and then instead of David, I'm with my old friend Leslie. I'm looking at the pants and they are button fly. leslie tells me she's got a pair and that the buttons are fucked up and shows me that the top one is backwards. I thank her for helping me see that and I put the pants back and she thanks me for helping her with that salesman.

21

In guam standing on this old bridge and its raining. I'm with this guy who I don't like but he's telling me all these things I didn't know before and making me think I've misjudged him. Like his name is actually an acronym of a bunch of other names, he's really got like ten names and I think that's cool. Then he tells me about how excellent the irrigation in guam is and to watch how quickly the water disappears from the ground. But its flooding. And he says that although the people there seem lazy and crass, we really ought to give them credit for what they can do with water, or something like that. And I realize he's being a dick. And I don't like him again.

20

I dreamt I was on a football team and I scored a touchdown and did a breakdance in the end zone. I knew I was dreaming and even though it was tacky I felt like it was my only chance ever at a touchdown celebration so I went for it. I watched myself from above and thought that it looked awesome.

19

I'm tearing through a cupboard looking for some goddamned zebra cakes and I can't find any. It crosses my mind that I don't even like zebra cakes but I keep looking. I call out to my mom, "who ate all the zebra cakes?!" Her voice replies to find something else. I think I'm in my grandma's kitchen. There is nothing else that I want. There's a lot of girl scout cookies but not any I like. It's all weird kinds like jelly patties instead of peanut butter patties, I try one of those and I like it. Then there's one called charcoal delight which I think no way does this cookie taste like charcoal. It's a gray ring shaped cookie. I take a bite of one and it does taste like charcoal. I spit it out and I can't believe I was dumb enough to taste it because what else would a charcoal delight taste like but charcoal? Yuck.

18

I'm an employee at a grocery store and there is a celebration going on. There are three groups of people; management, good employees, and bad employees. I'm in the third group making fun of people from the other groups. There's a microphone and all the good employees are patting themselves on the back and handing goofy makeshift awards out to one another from the store shelves. It's making the whole party go on forever and I'm just waiting to go home. I dryly remark that I bet the management get on the mic next and started doing the same thing as these stuck up suck up kids.

I'm dating tina fey but learn that she's just using me to seem down to earth and get good press.